cheers

He's sleeping so soundly right next to me. So close, you can hear his heavy breathing. And even though he's only a few inches away, I miss him already.

Next year I won't be here. I'll be in NYC, living my life. So I'm here, wondering. What am I going to do without him? What do I do now?

He's resting right now so obviously oblivious to everything going on around him. You can tell by the few things in his room what he's all about.  His hockey stuff is hung up on one side of the room, while above his head lies a "I <3 My Truck" sign, country pumpkin alert. Speaking of which, I love watching him on the ice. He gets completely lost in it and I just love that look he gets on his face when he gets so absorbed in it.

Next year I won't see it. I won't see his smile every morning. I won't be able to hold his hand every afternoon, or lay my head on his chest each night. And I won't be able to see those perfect eyes stare into mine. Those are the small things that made my day. How will I live without them?

But only a few minutes ago, when he told me he loved me, I realized something. I still have him. If it is only for a few more months, weeks, days, hours, even minutes, I still have him here. Right next to me. And I will live each second like it is the last. Because I love him and I cannot keep thinking about the part where I'll be out of here. That time hasn't come yet. I have to live in the present, and in the present, he is still mine. He is still here, and he is not going anywhere.

Each moment must be cherished. It must be filled up to the brim with loving words and hugs and kisses and everything. Anything. They must all be used up until they are completely over. I need to remember everything I do with him, because before I know it, I'll be off. And all I will have are the memories. And I want to have good memories. Memories I can look back on and say "I'm so glad we had that. I'm so glad we got to spend time together".

He is mine for now. He is mine now. He is mine, I still have him. And that is all that matters at this very second. That is all that will ever matter.